Parents Struggle To Find Balance Between Unique And Normal

Parents Struggle To Find Balance Between Unique And Normal

By Misty Harris, Canwest News Service

Digital age boosts baby name anxietyIf you think making a name for yourself is hard, try making one for someone else. Once a mere reflection of the times, baby names are now considered shorthand for everything from the parents’ values to the likelihood of future child-therapy bills.

Choosing a title that’s at once unique but not precious, stylish but not trendy, meaningful but not obscure, is seen by many expectant moms and dads as the first test of their prowess as parents.

It’s not quite a prenatal exam, but it feels like one.

“It used to be that a very large percentage of parents wanted a good, solid, ordinary name for their child,” says Laura Wattenberg, a noted name researcher. “But today, parents treat ordinary as a dirty word.”

The appeal of unusual baby names drew international attention last week, when news broke that a New Zealand judge had ordered a nine-year-old girl be made a ward of the court long enough to change her name: Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii.

A 2007 California State University study of turnover rates in baby names found fashions change because of a small minority of innovators amidst a majority of copycats. Tweaking the spelling of conventional names has become a predominant trend in Canada because it allows parents to choose an in-vogue moniker that still seems unique. Madison, for example, can become Madisson, Madisyn, Madisynne, or Madison.

“We all want our kids to be distinctive, and that’s created a kind of arms race because we might want to be different from one another but our tastes are very much the same,” says Wattenberg.

While parents have always suffered some degree of prenatal naming anxiety, the digital age has upped the ante exponentially.

Over 100 niche baby-name websites offer everything from popularity graphs to searchable databases, opinion polls and historical birth certificate data; For about $50, online consultants will do name research on parents’ behalf.

At sites such as Celebrity Baby Blog, parents can obsess over the choices pop icons are making, which this year have included Ignatius (Cate Blanchett), Knox (Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie), Clementine (Ethan Hawke), Sunday (Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban) and Callum Lyon (Kyle MacLachlan).

“Parents type a first and last name into Google and feel panicked when it’s taken, or when the domain name is taken,” says Wattenberg, founder of babynamewizard.com. “When Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt named their daughter Vivienne, I had multiple people writing to me who had that name, or a similar name, chosen and felt like it had been ruined.”

Factor in the cultural din of academics whose research warns of the damage a “bad” name can do to a child, and it’s no wonder parents are stressed before changing their first diaper.

For Jody Szabo, a 29-year-old mother of two from Calgary, the pressure of finding the right names for her sons was “overwhelming.”

“It was difficult, time-consuming and stressful,” she recalls. “There’s nothing worse than being nine months pregnant, due any day, and having no clue what you’re going to call this child.”

After poring over online name databases, combing through thousands of possible monikers in baby books, and launching an epic battle against her husband’s preferred choice of Argus - a name plucked from a Greek myth about a 100-eyed giant - Szabo happily settled on Jeremy for her first-born and Austin for her second.For her part, 37-year-old Karen Markovics is suffering “namer’s remorse.” Five years after giving birth to Nicole Josephine, the North Carolina mom is considering legally changing the girl’s name to Josephine Marie; she has informally been calling her Josie since she was a year old.

“A lot of people were really cruel when it came out that we wanted to change her name,” says Markovics. Other parents have accused her of being superficial and “a flake” for wanting a mulligan on the birth certificate.

“I just wanted a name that when I yelled it on the playground, I didn’t get 12 kids running.”

Misty Verlik Kelleher, 26, blames a combination of information overload and having too many cooks in the kitchen for her own prenatal naming anxiety.

“These days, it doesn’t seem like any name, no matter how ridiculous, is off the table,” she says, citing actor Jason Lee’s son Pilot Inspecktor as an example.

After taking great pains to create a shortlist of names with her partner, it seemed everyone the Edmonton native knew wanted to weigh in on the couple’s choices.

“Let me tell you, no one was shy in the least,” says Kelleher. “All I heard for months was, ‘I don’t like Brandon, that reminds me of this jerk I went to high school with …’, and on and on it went.”

Kelleher ended up naming her son Valentin (val-in-teen), after her father. “While I know he’ll definitely be made fun of in school, he’ll still have it easy compared to the kids whose parents named them after some kind of beverage, stereo equipment or someone else’s occupation.”

If current trends persist, however, the kids who stand out won’t be the ones with the exotic names but rather the ones called Ann, Joan, Todd or Ralph, all of which barely register in the most recent Canadian name listings.

Fifty years ago, 40 per cent of boys and 26 per cent of girls had Top 20 names. In 2005, the Top 20 accounted for just 19 per cent of boys’ names and about 14 per cent of girls’ names, according to Harper-Collins’ Best Baby Names for Canadians.

As ludicrous as some contemporary names sound, a leading branding expert says memorable monikers - and especially those with three syllables, such as Moon Zappa, daughter of Frank - can prove valuable later in life.

“People tend to favour the familiar; and unusual names, ironically, are more familiar to people because they only need to hear them once, or perhaps twice, to remember them,” says Harry Beckwith, author of You, Inc.: The Art of Selling Yourself.Ultimately, the branding advice he gives to businesses - to choose a name with backstory and meaning - applies equally to parents.

“Precious, contrived, meticulously-searched-for names always will eventually reveal their artifice, and artifice loses to authenticity every single time.”

Week of odd names & insults

Another Day, Another Unusual Baby NameBizarre baby names have become a cliché. Lisa Bonet either didn't get the memo or doesn't gave a darn. The former star of "The Cosby Show" gave birth to a healthy baby boy this week and, along with her husband, Jason Momoa, named the child "Nakoa-Wolf Manakauapo Namakaeha Momoa." An article from Us Weekly explained that the unusual name is a tribute to the father's Hawaiian heritage. Nakoa means warrior and Manakauapo is a combination of mana (spirit/strength), kaua (rain), and po (dark). Considering the baby was born on a stormy night, the name actually makes a lot of sense. Searches on Ms. Bonet soared 542% this week and related lookups for "bonet baby name" and "lisa bonet pictures" also surged.

Your parents named you what? The pros, cons of unusual names

(CNN) -- When you hear the name "Indiana Jones," you think of an archaeologist carrying an idol and dodging a giant boulder. When you hear about "Dow Jones," you might wonder if it's up or down that day. However, in this case, Indiana and Dow Jones are siblings, 12 and 7 years old, respectively.

Dow and Indiana Jones participate in many sporting events. Indiana says, "announcers love to say our names."

Indiana Elizabeth Jones shared her story with the iReport community, and we spoke with her mother, Jennifer Jones. The Port Deposit, Maryland, resident says Indiana got her name simply because her husband's family is from that state.

As for Dow Joseph Jones, there was serious talk of naming him Jack Ryan Jones, to keep the Harrison Ford theme. (Jack Ryan is the character Ford played in a series of action movies.) Instead, her husband named their son Dow on a dare while Jennifer was asleep in the hospital bed after giving birth.

She said she cried when she found out and even thought about having Dow's name changed.
CNN.com asked users to share their unusual names after a 9-year-old New Zealand girl named Talula Does the Hula from Hawaii won the right to change her name. (Full story)
Dozens of members of iReport.com community explained the stories behind their odd names, as well as what they've experienced in their day-to-day lives.

Some names might not seem problematic until they're actually used on a daily basis. Open Weaver Banks of Ho-Ho-Kus, New Jersey (speaking of odd names), says that she shared her story with iReport.com in hopes that parents would think twice before giving their children an unusual name.

Open is an unusual name, but it's not necessarily a name that one might expect to cause regular difficulties. Weaver Banks, however, says that she often has problems with it.

"I have a hard time using my credit cards for personal items, because clerks will accuse me of using a business card. I cannot tell my name to someone without having to explain it. Some days, it is exhausting, and I can't even disguise the annoyance in my voice."

Banks' childhood was "painful" because of her name, too. "I still give my mother a hard time about the name choice, and she tries to explain that she was young, she liked how it sounded, it was 1970 and various other reasons," she explains. "I actually tried going by another name for a year, and I realized that as much as I truly hate my name, it is embedded in me and so much a part of my experience."

Some people avoid the use of their name altogether to avoid questions, confusion or embarrassment. "At times, for the sake of avoiding an uncomfortable conversation or throwing someone off guard, I answer to the names of 'Mary' or 'Kelly'," says Bluzette Martin of West Allis, Wisconsin. At restaurants, "the thought of putting an employee through the pain of guessing how to spell and pronounce 'Bluzette' just isn't worth it to me."

Martin was named after "Bluzette," an up-tempo jazz waltz written by Jean "Toots" Thielemans. Despite her daily problems with this name, it certainly has its perks, like when she met Thielemans in 1987 at a club in Los Angeles. "When I met [him], he thanked my mother," she says.

She called her mother in the middle of the night and told her that she had a surprise for her. She gave the phone to Thielemans, and he started doing his famous whistling, to the tune of "Bluzette."

Even celebrities aren't immune to the use of unusual names. Take boxer George Foreman's children, all named George. (Or actor Jason Lee's son, Pilot Inspektor, or comedian Penn Jillette's daughter, Moxie CrimeFighter.) These are just-plain bizarre names, like that of iReporter Holden Holden.

Holden, a sophomore at Shippensburg University in Pennsylvania, says that having a double name has its pros and cons. He says he has a face people will remember because his name is easy to remember. Unfortunately, he says, he's not very good about remembering names himself, so it can lead to some awkward moments.

Holden's grandfather died a month before he was born but was always called by his last name as a nickname. "My last name is my mother's maiden name, which she reverted to after she divorced," he explains.

Holden also says that he plans to run for president in 2036. "Since my name is pretty easy to remember, it'll be easier to garner votes that way."

As for Dow Jones' mother, she didn't go through with changing his name. Now she sees it as something unique for someone with the very common last name "Jones." And perhaps that's the bright side to having an unusual name: It sets you apart from the crowd.
Dow's sister doesn't seem to mind.

"There is a new Indiana Jones movie out this year, so all my friends think it's pretty cool," she says.